Love Towards Yourself
The major incident that happened in my life has changed my overall perspective towards everything. Before this happened, I always gave weightage to other people, valued them, and kept myself always at the end. In my social circle, I don’t have many friends as I get neglected and used by others when they want something from me, but as the years went by, I met one person who prioritized me so much and loved me, always made me laugh, was my support system, was always there for me in my hard times, as a second mother to me, we shared well as well as bad times or say BFF, but I start taking her for granted and behaved childishly, she always makes an effort to know what I’m feeling, why I’m not talking to her, why I’m behaving towards her like that and all these things .. and during that time I start a new friendship with another person, and we start developing a good bond, and I don’t know when I start neglecting or ignoring my BFF
Suddenly when I start noticing things, everything gets changed.
My BFF no longer cares for me, and she starts to ignore and avoid me, and she did it purposefully so that I realized what she is going through for the last so many time, and when I take charge to get all things sorted, it all got messed up, and I lost a precious friend. I cried so much and kept texting and calling my BFF that we can make things right. Give me another chance, saying sorry to her so many times. Then my birthday came up, and I thought she would wish me, hug me, and make things right between us. Still, I got my biggest shock, my BFF casually wish me with her another so-called friend and didn’t even care to hug me, and she brushes it off so casually that nothing is so special about my birthday. First time in my life, I cried profusely on my birthday and felt the thrills when I remember them now. After that, I thought to mend things, so I talked with my BFF closed companion, whom my BFF listened to, and I told everything to my BFF closed companion about all the things and reassures me that she will talk to my BFF regarding this.
When I thought everything would be fine and it got much worse, my BFF started shouting at me why I involved her close companion in our fight, and then my BFF breaks all ties with me. But then also, I went to her house and start explaining that we can make it right and starts crying there also, my BFF show no reaction to this, she said I became weak, and things between us can’t be going back to normal, and she is no longer my a normal friend also. After this all facade, I became so depressed and emotionally vulnerable, cried for so many days, and got ignored by my BFF, bombarded with so many messages to my BFF, not interested in life. My parents and my other friends also start noticing that I’m not doing well. My parents know this whole situation, so they start explaining to me and say to move on.
But how can I move on from a 3-year long friendship and my BFF who gave so much to me? There is an emotional turmoil going in my mind, which goes up for almost 4 to 6 months. Whenever I hear some friendship song going around me like “tera yaar ho mei,” I start crying and become so sad. I start hiding my feelings and make a fake face to justify to others that I’m fine. I became so sensitive and started taking things with so much vulnerability. I almost regularly post some sad quotes on my Instagram story, watch lots of friendship webcomics, and all that. As it goes by, I realized within myself that some change has to be done. I can’t let wasting my life like this for one person and start loving myself more. I will be sincere that it is not an easy process. It takes time to heal and grow, and when I finally achieve, it gives me an innumerable amount of pleasure, happiness, satisfaction, and achievement.
When I started caring for myself, suddenly, my BFF showed up after 2 or 3 months and started behaving normally as if nothing happened. I became so confused, like seriously nothing happened. But I forgave my BFF and chose not to give her the right to ruin me again, and didn’t trust her from then onwards. Now, she is only a mutual acquaintance and nothing more than that. We have a normal type of friendship. But the lessons I got from my major experience are that love yourself, don’t care about what others think, give your time and love to your people who actually love you, enjoy your life, handle things with patience and forgive others but don't trust them again.
Thank you for hearing out my story!