• Anonymous

Confidence is the Key (NSFW)

“I’ll tell you a story before it tells itself.”


I’m 18 years old, and I just passed high school. Growing old and behaving like an adult is all we think about in our school days when we are having a crazy time with friends, enjoying our fullest, having a perfect life, and thinking about our beautiful future.


But what happens when things are not that perfect? I’m not perfect, neither is anyone. Everyone says that this a bookish line, but is it really true? I don’t think so, because when I stood in front of a crowd, I could notice everything I was not and what everyone has that I don’t. Insecurity is the first and worst thing to have. I’m a fat girl, weighing at least 80 kgs. Weighing so much causes people to talk a lot about overcoming your weight, and even though they say it for your own good, you feel that they are overlooking your other good qualities. Everything starts from that one comment. From your parents to relatives, to siblings or cousins teasing. This causes your insecurity to increase and even makes you degrade in front of yourself.



I thought people did not like me enough due to my appearance. I became a person of shy nature. But believe me, I’m not. Things got messed up in their own way, and I couldn’t help it. It broke me even after many years of struggle, and I just needed some affection. As for where my friends were, they had boys coming and going after them and felt left out. I did not have anyone like that. So for that, I choose to do something. I needed that affection, so I went online to search for it. I found a site and chatted with many different guys and even got far enough to send one picture. So that I could feel that I’m good enough for someone at least. That moment when he told me I was good, I felt so happy. The very next moment, when realization sank in, I broke. It’s so bad that the affection you want, to make yourself equal to everyone, is coming from a pervert on a stupid site, and you are behaving like whore just for that. You break.


Everyone deals with this differently. I dealt with it very badly. You may even say I would need help after this. May I do? I’m terrified of that, but I’m trying my best. So, I did something which I’m always going to be guilty and in fear of. Thinking about what I did, I want to slap myself sometimes. It’s hard sometimes to even get up and face the mirror. It's not easy. I behaved like a whore. Maybe I am, but I’m proud of myself and thankful for a friend, who at that time just listened to me cry and told me how beautiful I am inside out. That was all I had always wanted to hear.

 

Insecurity is far worse than anything else. Never tease anyone regarding their shape and size. You never know how it affects someone.